Ok, so I'm vain.

It's not so much a weight-issue. I haven't even bought a scale. The last time I got weighed was in my gynecologist's office during my annual checkup. 132 lbs., just a hair under the medically recommended weight for my height which is 5'3". I'm about 10 lbs. away from obesity, or at least being overweight. Technically, though, I'm still AVERAGE. In fact, I weigh less than 56% of Americans. (You can check your BMI here.)

It's really just vanity on my part. I want to look at fashion magazines again, without the fat-blimp feeling I've been getting the last 3 years. I would like to hit the beach in a bathing suit, without a t-shirt and jeans on top. And for once I'd like to try clothes on in a dressing room without wishing I had on a neck-to-toe body-shaping stocking.

It's been so difficult just to get started. I've tried to cut down on sweets, went from two sodas a day to one soda a week. I love food, and hate exercise. For a while I used my boyfriend's smoking as an excuse not to be healthy myself, since he works out and hikes and eats healthy and then smokes a couple of packs per week. I figured that it was only fair, I could keep my candy and soda and fatty steaks and pork chops and only the occasional head of broccoli (slathered in butter) to keep me regular.

To be honest, I just want my body back. I swear, it's in here, somewhere.

I'm starting this diary so I can keep motivated. I do things better when I write them out and note down my thoughts. I tend to forget stuff from day to day. I really need reminders that I'm making progress to keep me from falling back into my old bad habits. I also hope that others who read this might be motivated by me to be honest about their own health, and maybe do something about that too.

My boyfriend just bought me an Xbox program called Yourself Fitness, which is a personal-training system that you can personalize. We'd been talking about getting it for a while. He actually started using it a couple of weeks before I did. I just put in my profile yesterday, and did my first workout today: a flexibility workout which burned--get ready--a whopping 81 calories!! Yay! That's like, less than a twelfth of the food that I ate today, but it's the first exercise I've had in over a year. I'm so proud, I started a new diary to commemorate my new regimen. I even bought a Gold membership!

Just in case you're wondering, I'm not affiliated with the company that made the game, nor am I trying to sell any products (ok, well, I'm trying to sell the Gold membership thing, because Andrew could always use more money). I just want to lose some weight, tone my blubbery body, and be more healthy.